“How do you not care what others think of you?”
My fingers froze at the sink, eyes glued to the clay-caked pottery tools in the sink basin. I blinked, trying to clear the haze that had flooded my brain at the question.
“I-I don’t know. I guess I just kinda don’t.” My whole body tensed, awaiting her response. I looked to my right to see her unsatisfied gaze raking my body. The little box in the back of my head threatened to open, releasing the plethora of suppressed thoughts and emotions. My nails bit into my palms as I shoved the box deeper into the plagued web of my mind. I re-assumed the mask of the unaffected 8th grader. Once my classmate realized I wouldn’t satisfy her question further, she spun on her heels and returned to the fake friends that ensured her popularity. My mask remained firmly fixed to my face until I got home that afternoon, where my pillow could absorb the scream of my haunting thoughts.
I later learned that, for the majority of my middle school years, I was masking my feelings in an attempt to protect myself. No matter how hard I tried, I could not fit into the main friend group of my tiny middle school class, so I was cast aside, forced to mask my emotions and behaviors so as not to be further ostracized.
According to the Newport Institute, masking is a behavior that is characterized by concealing one’s emotions to fit in or avoid judgment. It is most commonly observed in people with mental health challenges and neurodivergent traits such as autism and ADHD. These result in unique ways of thinking or behaving, often outside social norms, leading some people to feel as though they are fundamentally the problem. In an attempt to remedy this, these people invested a great deal of energy in hiding it behind many masks, believing that this would resolve their social struggles. Each day, people mold masks to hide behind, not knowing or believing the true cost of the daily practice.
Despite being outweighed by the negatives, masking can have some short-term benefits. The most notable of these is feeling accepted by a group, and according to Mark Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, belonging is one of the best predictors of well-being. Additionally, masking for the purpose of expressing values you hold close, for example, being patient when someone is testing your tolerance, can be self-redeeming. However, this type of masking is often unrelated to mental health masking.
Masking your emotions for the sake of fitting in has been shown to have extensive negative impacts. A study with 342 participants found that “masking behaviors were associated with higher reports of past interpersonal trauma, greater anxiety and depression symptoms, lower self-esteem, lower authenticity, and lower participation.” Those who suffer more put more energy into hiding it and are therefore more likely to go unnoticed. Additionally, in the long term, masking worsens your mental health, leading to a stronger desire to mask.
The more you struggle, the more you hide it, and the more you continue to struggle—an endless cycle. The longer this cycle continues, the less likely one is to want to seek help, and unsupported mental health struggles often lead to greater rates of suicide. This is confirmed by multiple studies, where researchers noticed that masking disordered traits increases one’s lifetime risk for suicidal actions.
When people mask, their struggles become hidden to the outside world. Because of that, they have to be the one to initiate help, reducing the likelihood of then getting the assistance they need, and therefore increasing their risk of suicide. The more one struggles, the more they mask, and the higher their risk of suicide becomes. This proven relationship between mental health struggles and masking shows that those who may seem fine to outsiders are actually struggling on the inside.
Many people, including myself, live the majority of their lives stuck behind an uncomfortable mask, waiting for the right moment to let it slip from their features. However, the only thing this truly did for me was worsen my mental health, and I struggled for years before I learned the consequences of my habits. Mental health masking is a coping mechanism that may provide temporary relief to some; however, it ultimately causes more harm than good and should be discouraged by communities and recognized by peers.
- United States